It's Happening For Me Not To Me

What's up! It's gonna be my first vlog, I'm excited! So online journal shipping, I'm into it. So I just did something that I like to do to bust through fear and express myself and be the embodiment of aligned action when energy is moving me.

I have been in transit for a few days. Just got to Romania and was a cobblestone street. And I hadn't moved, and I was walking around, and then I thought I should dance, should just move some energy. And listening to this energy and letting it move through me, I did a little dance and I realized that now it's then and there in the present. No excuses, no procrastination, no so let the energy move me.

And it happened to be on a street corner where there were traffic lights and cars everywhere and a few people walking, it was so early in the morning, so not heaps of people, doing my dance, just feeling nice. And then a few people beeped, which is like, cool. Like they're excited. Like, yeah, someone's doing something weird, yes!

And then some guys walked past and they were like, woo, so that's cool. And then when I finished, one of them is like, let's fuck. What? No.

And I was like, that's not very nice. It's like, what are you doing it for? And I was like, having fun and spreading fun and busting through fear. I'm literally moving through my own fears right now and expressing myself. He's like, why are you doing it? To do that.

I used to be really shy, and this helps me bust through my own programming and move through doubts and fears. And the other guy's like, oh, okay, like, okay, yeah, I get it, that's awesome, like, cool, cool. And other guys just, like, fully didn't get it, which is fine. Like, if you've never said that before, it would be weird. And sometimes people aren't going to get it. That's totally fine.

But what got me thinking was a few things, a few things, actually. I noticed when I landed in Romania, I got a bit of attention and it was because of my boobs. I don't wear a bra, and that's because underwater bras cut off the circulation and the lymphatic fluid, and it can lead to cancer. So I'm not gonna wear bras.

Normally in buying a bag, I don't even realize that it's a thing. It's just been my way of life for years, so I don't even realize it. And people don't bat an eyelid because they're used to seeing it. It's not a sexual thing. It's just like, oh yeah, whatever, like, I think it's here. As we grow more accustomed to things, it doesn't mean anything. It's not like, whoa, that woman is so sexy. Oh, yeah, that's a woman. She has breasts. She's not wearing a bra, me.

So, when I step out of viral, I always get a rude little shock of people staring at me because of that. And I remember, oh, that's right, the rest of the world, it's still a thing, and just have tended to kind of ignore it, like, look down, look away. But this one guy was just really rude about it, and I could feel like their energy was almost like domineering of women and so I was just like I just looked back and was, like, you know empowered. Like, don't be looking at me and making me feel I have to be small and hide because of my feminine qualities and feminine embodiments. Like, I will not be shut down by that or made to feel wrong or shamed or like I'm inciting sexual energy. And that's exactly what I want to talk about.

I found that this freedom of being beautiful or sensual or expressing myself got shut down when I was young, like a teen, in my early 20s, because I didn't want someone to look at me and feel aroused or desire me. and then I didn't want them and then I was to blame.

And then I was made to feel like I was wrong. They wanted me, and it was my fault. And that really led to me shutting down, like, expressing, dressing certain ways, dancing, that kind of thing. So when I was younger, I remember going out for the first time, being like, oh my gosh, I’m so excited and like wild, running around like an excited little fairy and didn't drink or do drugs, didn't even know about that stuff. And people would be like, what do you want? I'd like nothing, yeah and it's that being alive, being excited about life, and being turned on for life, you know, it doesn't mean I'm horny and I want to fuck everyone. It means I love life. I'm excited about this. I'm excited about that.

I love hearing this music. This thing makes me feel good, and there's nothing wrong with that. We all feel like we're all human and we're all sensual sexual beings, and we have this playfulness that wants to come out. And yet because of feeling like, I'm going to put this down a little bit in my arm, not used to doing video blogs. ooh, yeah.

And because of having that energy, it's my fault if someone thinks that when I'm expressing myself, I want that attention. So I'm really choosing to awaken that goddess energy, that queen energy, and express that in the world and not make it mean anything. Like, it's okay. It's okay to be me, and it's okay to be a sensual being and a playful being an expression of being wherever I am. And I am not to be responsible for how other people react.

And I don't need to let my perceive men of how others could act, a few people could act. I'm not gonna let that shut down an aspect of myself because everyone can say something differently because of their cultural background, their family background, and the belief systems in their head. So everyone sees something different. So I'm not going to allow room for someone else perceives me as someone else's stuff to stop me from being myself. And also I know the energy that I'm coming from as well.

Because sometimes there might be the feeling of wanting that attention, so of course express it, no shame there. But then sometimes we just feel like we want to express ourselves and there isn't that sexual energy and there isn't that wanting to make a sexual connection or anything like that, so I think because people aren't used to seeing it because so many people are held back from fear and fear of judgment and sexuality or sensuality or expression has been shut down for such a long time, that because people aren't used to seeing it, they think, or some people could think that it's something else. So one of those guys thought that because I was expressing myself and enjoying myself and being alive that I was wanting that sexual attention.

And he might not have ever seen anything to have another reference point, he might not have ever seen someone doing that and just being like, I'm just here to have fun, I'm just here to be playful and enjoy myself. So he might have just thought, what I know of when I see this kind of behavior, it is this. So then instantly thought that, so I'm not going to make him wrong and be like, what a peg-like blah, blah, blah. No, he just didn't know any better.

And, if there were more people expressing themselves when I felt it, you know dancing wherever they want it or singing or just expressing themselves through however, more people doing it, there will be less, like or this or that, like this is a sensual thing, like oh yeah that person just expressing himself, whatever just like, viral not wearing a bra is not a big deal. Cause there so many people doing it so this is not tabooed there, it’s not this energy getting misconstrued.

So, it’s great this was happening because my being could be for, you know, it’s very quiet in the mornings, no one will see me doing it here, or you know, safe to do it, and yet this is the first time, that I had a comment like that. And also, that is something that has shut down that feminine energy in me because I’m going to blame shame. And so this is happening for me to move through this fear and to be empowered and then to share this with the rest of the world because you know this is not something I’ve shared before.

And so I’m excited to talk about this because I wanna know to you resonate, to feel it, to get what I am putting down, picking up what I’m putting down, and if you are? Let me know because I am curious to know what people make of this share, yeah and it’s such a nice thing to be able to share a little bit of magic, bust some fears, bust some movements, and yes, spread that magic, and spreading that joy and playfulness by just doing what we feel and having the confidence to that really.

Because we can say something, we can feel it in our head but, are we allowing energy to move through and express in the world? And that can really bring so much sunshine in people’s lives, really brighten up people’s lives, just make things a little bit different because, it’s often this fear for other people thinking or has society years this judgment feel like whites coming in, in crouching limit out the expression of who we are.

We can bust through it by taking an aligned action on what our ideas are, and what are feeling inside is and expressing that, and that builds more confidence in ourselves by doing that kind of thing. And in turn, it takes a level of the courage of confidence to do it so it’s beautiful to open this.

So share what you think of this and if you have any realizations or if you understand what I’m saying, you resonate, go to comment, and share below because I’m really interested to know.

Alright! Have a beautiful day!